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50+ Quotes from The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim

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228 pages

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Early in 2019 I was really busy with work and my downtime involved visiting the local library. This book caught my eye and I had to pick it up. It took so long to get through because I would be mulling over a section of the book. I recommend it for anyone who also needs some time to slow down and reflect.

Rest

  1. “I squeeze myself into the subway car.
    People are crowded all around me,
    I can either get annoyed
    or think it’s fun that I don’t have to grab a handrail.
    People react differently to the same situation.
    If we look at it more closely,
    We see it’s not the situation that is troubling us,
    But our perspectives on it.”
    - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 15

  2. “If you’ve been unable to change a bad situation, even after many attempts,
    You should change how you look at the situation. Nothing is intrinsically good or bad.
    Good or bad is always relative.
    Compare your situation with someone’s that is worse. Now yours does not seem so bad after all.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 18

  3. “Do memories cause you pain? Practice being in the present moment. Turn your attention to the here and now. Notice that your thoughts subside when you focus on the present. As your thoughts quiet, so, too, the memories. Because memories are, in essence, thoughts.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 19

Mindfulness

  1. “Do not try to control those around you. When you cannot control even your own mind, what makes you think you can control others?” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 52

  2. “Things I liked when I was young but now couldn’t care less about: Airplane rides, all-you-can-eat buffet, horror movies, staying up all night. Things I enjoy now that I am older: Mozart, brown rice, meditation, spending time alone, regular exercise. We change without realizing it. We are in the midst of change even now.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 52

  3. “Feelings are often born from a matrix of conditions beyond your control. Just like you can’t control the weather, of your boss’ mood, you can’t control the feelings in your body. They are just passing through, like clouds in the sky. They, too, dissipate on their own.
    But if you take them too seriously and start internalizing them as part of your identity, then you will resuscitate them every time you think about the past.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 59

Passions

  1. “When we’re first given a job, especially one we’ve been working toward for a long time, it’s easy to become overly enthusiastic, as we are eager to prove ourselves. But in our excitement, we make the mistake of equating our own eagerness with effectiveness. Getting the job done well is more important than one’s feelings of doing a good job. It takes wisdom to discern that these two are not always related. In some cases, one’s zealous efforts can get in the way of achieving the desired outcome, especially if one is unable to see the needs of the others working toward it together.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 79

Relationships

  1. “...the art of maintaining a good relationship can be compared to sitting by a fireplace. If we sit to close for too long, we become hot and possibly burned. If we sit too far away, we cannot feel the warmth. Similarly, no matter how well we get along with someone, if we stick too close without building in some personal space, we soon feel trapped and burned out; it is easy to take the relationship for granted and feel resentful about not having enough privacy and independence. On the other hand, if we put in too little effort to stay in touch with friends and family, we can’t feel the warmth of their love. Striking a balance is key.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 105-106

  2. “...too much pride can be a source of conflict. If we treat people with humility and respect, conflicts can be avoided. It is often our pride that encourages us to stand up straight and wage a battle of wills. While fighting to determine who is right and who is wrong, we end up causing physical and emotional pain.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 107

  3. “When you are disappointed, don’t wait too long to say so. When you bottle up your feelings, the river of  emotion swells, making it difficult to cross over and speak calmly.”- Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 114

  4. “Do you have a lot of enemies? Then be humble and stop speaking ill of people. Those who do not make enemies are more powerful than those who have the strength to fight them all and win.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 114

  5. “Even my best friend gets annoying if I am with her for too long. But if I see her after a break, she is wonderful again. The trouble is not the person. It is my relationship with her.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 116

  6. “There is a saying in an early Buddhist scripture: ‘Paper wrapped around incense smells of incense, and string binding fish smells of fish.’ Whether we like it or not, we naturally become influenced by our surrounding. Ask yourself, ‘Who do I want to emulate? Is that person physically or mentally nearby?’” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 117

  7. “If we help someone in the hope of getting something in return, this is not giving but lending. True giving is done without expecting anything in return. It also means we relinquish control over what we have given.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 117

  8. “If you want a friend to remember your birthday, remember hers first. If you want your husband to give you a massage, give him a massage first. If you want your children to watch less TV, turn off your TV first. Don’t just wait for what you want to happen. Act first.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 129

  9. “When you keep clashing with someone, it may be the world’s way of asking you to look closely at yourself. When you don’t like someone, try to figure out what it is you don’t like; see whether you have a similar flaw within yourself.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 130

Love

  1. “If you look for love, in pursuit of what it can give you, it will hide itself. If you ask love to arrive because you are now ready, it will skip your door. Love is like an uninvited guest. Love will come when it wants to. Love will leave when you ask more of it.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 150

  2. “If you attempt to find a love that meets certain criteria, your new love may also make certain demands of you. Drop your demands quickly when love knocks on your door. Love is wam and freeing. It is innocent, like a child without a hidden agenda.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 150

  3. “Love needs to be balanced. If you like him more than he like you, give him time and space to catch up. It is important to hold back your emotions when your feelings are not in balance with his.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 152

  4. “Sometimes, after a relationship is over, you catch yourself thinking, ‘I hope she is happy,’ without bitterness. This is a sign you have moved on.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 155

  5. “Pain caused by one person can be healed by another. But before you get out to meet someone new, make sure you give yourself time to be whole again. Otherwise you may end up using the new person you need.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 156

  6. “You are beautiful not because you are better than others but because these is only you who can smile like that. May you fall in love with your unique self.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 160

  7. “Love means loving someone the way she is. Wanting her to be a certain way is not love but your desire. Do not attempt to improve someone in the name of love. It is improvement only in your eyes, not in hers.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 162

  8. “If something is meant to blossom into a relationship, it usually works out without much difficulty. If you are the only one putting in effort, then let him go. This may relieve the pressure, and motivate him to make effort. If not, then it will open up a new path for you.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 163

Life

  1. “If we consider someone’s identity as rooted primarily in his hometown or the school he graduated from, we end up looking only at his past and not paying attention to his current skills or future vision.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 174

  2. “Wherever you go, cultivate a sense of ownership. If you see litter in a church, library, or park, pick it up. As you take ownership, your life will have more purpose, and people will notice your good example.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 176

  3. “It makes sense that Scandinavia should be famous for furniture design, some people in a cold climate spend more time inside their homes. Similarly, Italy is renowned for designer apparel; it makes sense that people in a warm climate should pay more attention to how they appear outdoors.
    Where you live shapes you. Do you live in a place conducive to the pursuit of your dreams?” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 177

  4. “We don’t think twice about spending nine or ten dollars on a glass of wine. And yet we hesitate when it comes to buying a book, which is the price of only one or two glasses of wine.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 177

  5. “When purchasing something you will have for a long time, like a house or a piano, choose the best within your means, not something that will do for now. You might think it is good enough, but after a while you will regret it.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 178

  6. “The biggest obstacle to learning is pretending to know even when you don’t. It is better to admit you don’t know something; if you pretend, you have to act as if you knew all along. It is easier to learn when you set aside your pride and are honest.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 180

  7. “Admiration does not come easily. Rather than setting a goal of becoming rich and powerful, aim higher: becoming admired in your field.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 182

  8. “Write down on a sheet of paper that names of the places you want to travel to before you die, the people you hope to meet, the concerts you know you will enjoy, the sports games you are dying to see, the restaurants you have to try.
    Then experience everything on the list, item by item. Nobody needs to know about the list. Allow yourself a little secret of your own. It will feel good to do something just for yourself.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 190

  9. “A majestic tree is the first to be cut down and used for lumber, whereas a modest one lives on. Likewise, a real master conceals his virtue and never boasts of his excellence.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 192

  10. “An ordinary person mainly notices particular things he likes or dislikes. A wise person notices both the whole and the particulars.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 195

  11. “A bad driver brakes often. A bad conversationalist also brakes often - - interrupting the flow with his own stories.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 196

  12. “A cruel irony: The reward for someone who works hard is more work.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 198

The Future

  1. “Some say they don’t really know what they are looking for in real life. This might be because, instead of getting in touch with how they feel, they have led their lives according to other people’s expectations. Live your life not to satisfy others, but to fulfill what your heart desires.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 206

  2. “Do not turn down too many opportunities. If you insist you need more preparation, you may not be invited again when you finally feel ready. You are ready. You can take up the challenge.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 214

  3. “Try these two things at the same time: Pretend you are already a champion and work diligently at becoming one. The gap between belief and reality will soon close.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 215

  4. “It is hard to find one’s calling because many mistakenly believe they need to look only within to discover their passion. Although it is true that we have innate interests and talents, we often do not know what they are until we have real-life experiences. Having a wide range of experiences can help you uncover your inner passion.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 219

  5. “Measure your self-worth not with the balance of your bank account but with the frequency of your generosity.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 222

  6. “The college you graduated from is not that important. The life you have chosen to live after college is.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 222

  7. “Dedication to one’s job should not be measured by how late one works or how often one forgoes a vacation but by how effectively one works and what kind of contribution one makes to the business.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 226

  8. “Your freedom is more important than money. It is better to live the kinds of life you want than to earn more and be constrained. Don’t sell your freedom.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 227

Spirituality

  1. “Some may think that life in such a community is repressed, strict, and difficult, but that is not the case. A monastic life is characterized by simple beauty and unexpected joy. Monks find happiness in things that may seem trivial to those who pursue the material trappings of success. Watching the seasons change - the blossoming of the magnolias, the dazzling fall foliage, the first snowfall - brings indescribable joy and gratitude. A simple meal made with fresh ingredients from the nearby mountains is a source of great contentment. Because our monastic brothers are our friends, teachers, and family we are never lonely.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 238

  2. “If Jesus, Buddha, and Confucius were all alive and gathered in the same place, would they argue over who is right? Or would they respect and admire one another’s teachings? Religious conflict can often be blamed not on the founders of religions but on their fanatical followers.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 241

  3. “He who knows only one religion knows none.” - Max Muller

  4. “You can admire a spiritual leader but never idolize him. Blind faith in the leader can easily reduce you to acting like a child, handing over your power and asking the leader to do things for you. Medicine can be prescribed, but it must be you who takes it.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 244

  5. “If you have been praying like this - ‘Please grant me this. I really need this to happen’ -
    then try to pray this way as well - ‘Enlarge my heart to hold and accept the things I cannot.’
    Do not bargain with God, Buddha, or any divine being to give you what you want to exchange for material offerings.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 256

  6. “For unenlightened people, not every day is a good day, because they feel happy only when things happen the way they want them to. For enlightened people, every single day is a good day, because they feel free knowing that nothing can take away their wisdom.” - Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, p. 257

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